Hooray, the year can officially start now because I’ve finished all my goal lists. I suppose it’s one way to get through the long slog of January - just cut the month in half by arbitrarily deciding that the first couple of weeks don’t count!

I thought you’d all be bored with these posts about goals by now but to my surprise, I’ve been getting comments asking me more about it and wanting to see my mind map. I am getting to the end of this subject though, there will be this post and one more on the 101 Things and then I’m going to stop thinking and writing about it for a while.

MIND MAP

My mind map of the things I want from 2008 was one of the main starting points for deciding on my goals for the year. As requested by Wendy and Amanda, here is a scan of the original. I considered censoring one of the goals (go on, guess which one!) but decided not to bother.

Sorry, I had to do it as a thumbnail so that I could make it big enough to be readable. Click on it if you’re interested

As you can see, most of these are rather fuzzy and certainly don’t count as goals yet because they’re so vague - exactly how many games of Scrabble do I need to play before it counts?

You know what’s really freaking me out though - a couple of the things on this mind map have already started coming true WITHOUT ME DOING ANYTHING ABOUT THEM! And after all those years of internally sneering at affirmations too. Yes, very funny, Universe, I guess that’s me told. I’m seeing it more as, ‘I’ve already put in the work and now it’s starting to come to fruition’ rather than ‘ask for anything you want and you’ll get it’ but still, I’m kind of wishing that I’d put ‘earn shitloads of money and become fabulously famous’ on there now.

JOURNALLING

I also did several pages of writing and art journalling about the idea of goals and completed an exercise to discover my theme word for the year, an idea that I nabbed from the Creative Mom Podcast. It’s a good idea that originally came from Ali Edwards.

If you’re struggling to gain clarity on the goal making process, I’ve found this a very helpful exercise to do. Make a big list of words that might apply to your year (if you get stuck with this part, try browsing through a thesaurus or dictionary) and then just let your gut guide you to the right one. Don’t go with what you think you should want from the year but let your intuition speak. It can take a little time to hit on the right word but both years that I’ve done this, I’ve found that I know it when it appears. My word for last year was ‘nourish’, while this year’s word is ‘balance’.

GOALS

After much thought I realised that since I was also doing the 101 Things challenge, I didn’t need an extensive goal list for 2008. Indeed, I toyed with the idea of not having any goals at all but decided that I wanted a few to keep me focused on those desires. I did halve the list though - my massage therapist will be impressed, she’s always telling me to cut down my ridiculously unrealistic daily lists.

Again, I listened to my intuition and kept the idea of making my list entirely positive utmost in my mind: whenever I felt a little internal sigh or reservation about a goal, I struck it off the list.

MY FINAL LIST OF GOALS FOR 2008

1) Finish 8 knitted items by the end of June
This is for the Lime & Violet Finish-a-thon where a bunch of us knitter types have made a public commitment to completing some of the unfinished projects that are lurking on our needles. I think there’s going be a Flickr group for this project soon but as far as I know, it’s not up yet.

2) Declutter 3 rooms
Decluttering was a big theme towards the end of last year and this still feels like a very positive thing to me.

3) Take part in 101 things in 1001 Days
Yep, this is place that I’m hiding the less positive things! However, I did discover through journalling that ‘doing things’ and ‘ticking things off lists’ is hugely positive for me. I actually get a lot of joy from the sense that things are happening and progress is being made. I’ll post the completed list shortly, it is finished but I want to write a bit more about the process of writing it and I didn’t want this to be a dauntingly long post.

4) Visit my friend, Red in Amsterdam
Pretty simple and the single most important one on the list - if I only achieve one of the goals, I want it to be this one.

5) Keep a daily log
I’ve been doing this since the start of the year. It’s not as pressured as it sounds, I’m just making notes in my little paper diary of when I get certain things done, like journalling, walking, exercising, knitting and er, some of the other desires on the mind map. Sheesh, get your minds out of the gutter, people - I meant the Scrabble, of course!

Unsurprisingly, there’s plenty to read about goals and resolutions in the blogosphere right now.

iHanna has a good post with lots of inspiring (and occasionally daunting!) links.

Sister Diane from the Craftypod makes the very smart suggestion that you only pick one thing that you really want to do. I don’t think I can quite manage that but it’s something that I’m bearing in mind as I continue to very s-l-o-w-l-y refine my list of goals.

After being in a funk the other day, I did a whole load of journalling on the subject of goals and discovered that part of my problem is that I often confuse my goals and desires with the things that I feel I ought to be doing.

For example, I know I should be getting on with making Pelt…

Now this hasn’t been a problem in previous years, I’ve just stuck those ’shoulds’ right on my goal list and felt damn virtuous about it too. However, in the last couple of months I’ve been following a conscious ‘no guilt’ policy. So if something makes me feel guilty then I do something to get rid of that guilt; this can include finishing things, getting rid of them or paying someone else to deal with it. The ‘no guilt’ policy is working well for me, except that it’s apparently scuppered my usual goal setting, which was firmly based around the concept of guilt.

So often our goals and resolutions are negative - lose weight; quit smoking; get fit in the next five minutes, you lazy person; become a better friend; live life more fully; read more intellectual books; do this ‘good’ thing; don’t do that other ‘bad’ thing. We often seem to start with the idea that who we are right now just isn’t enough and we’re flawed somehow, so the focus always seems to be on making ourselves into a ‘better’ person. Sometimes this can be a good thing - making positive changes in our lives can be very empowering. However, there’s a big difference between making a change because we genuinely want to and punishing ourselves for not being perfect yet.

Guess what, you’re never going to be perfect and neither am I!

What would it feel like if everything on your goal list was completely and unambiguously POSITIVE?

I don’t know either but this year I want to give it a try.

Since I was still struggling with my very insistent ’shoulds’, I did a mind map in my art journal about what I want from the year. Writing out a list of 18 things - some small, some large - that I genuinely want felt very powerful. When was the last time you let yourself think about the things that you desire? And not the things you think you ’should’ want either but the things you honestly want.

Of course, I’m also very task orientated and I love to set myself very defined projects and tick things off lists. So writing things like ’spend more time in the library with the lights off and the candles on’ seemed a little silly at first. How do I quantify that? How can I make that into a proper achievable goal with a definite target? Hmmm, should I start a database to count the days when I manage to sit down and properly relax? Ha, you probably think I’m joking… but many a true word was spoken in jest, says the girl who keeps a database of all the books she reads each year!

My mind map of desires isn’t a goal list yet - the other thing I discovered whilst journalling was that the goals I did best in reaching last year were the ones that were very specific and had quantifiable targets (yay, there is a need for those databases!) - but it is a start in a new, and slightly scary, direction for me.

The Decorated Journal by Gwen Diehn is a book that focuses on art journalling.

The book is divided into sections, the first is an extensive exploration of the different materials used in art journalling including paper, pencils, paints, pens, glue and other commonly used materials. This section is, to my mind, the strongest in the book. It contains handy tables that show the advantages and disadvantages of different types of glue, a section on the paint colours you’ll need to be able to mix a good palette, lots of information about the different grades of paper, explanations of the properties of various different materials and clear advice on what to buy and why. There’s even a page on making your own ink and paint from naturally occurring pigments that you’ve gathered! I also like the way she emphasises investing in a few well chosen, quality materials rather than getting suckered into buying endless new products that are actually quite limited in scope.

In the second section of the book, Diehn describes different types of journalling. She categorises journals into 7 different types and provides techniques that she thinks are particularly appropriate for each. I wasn’t totally convinced by her categories and most of the stuff I objected to occurred in this section.

The third section of the book is called ‘Pages In Stages’ and Diehn splits the working process into ’starters, middles and toppings’.explores how to work with the different levels of the page through techniques like layering, collage and using text. This is one of the shorter sections in the book since it’s basically reprising things that have already been described in earlier sections.

The final section of the book deals with some basic bookbinding - Diehn is a big fan of making your own journals so that you can control the size and type of paper and she demonstrates how to make several simple handmade books plus how to customise existing journals and reuse the covers from old hardback books. I have several other bookbinding books already so there wasn’t a whole lot here that was new to me but the information seemed clear and competent and it’s obvious that it’s something she’s passionate about.

Although there is undoubtedly much of value here, this is not a book that I can wholeheartedly recommend. The main problem I had with this book was Diehn’s tone, which I found overly lecturing and didactic. It’s very clear that she feels there’s a right and a wrong way to do things - for example, she assumes that paper buckling is always to be avoided but personally, I’ve found that buckled paper can be an interesting design element on a journal page rather than a problem.

Sure, it’s important to learn ‘the correct way’ to do things and I can understand her desire for ‘good practice’ but I also felt she could have recognised that art journalling is an expressive, experimental and free space for the artist, where the rules don’t always need to apply. It’s not that what she says is necessarily wrong - I agree with many of her opinions - but the way she says them invariably seemed to get my back up. Reading her words made me feel as though I was back at art college again. This isn’t surprising since Diehn is a tutor at an art college but I didn’t find it at all helpful or inspiring. Since I’m currently trying to unlearn quite a few of those art school conventions, I don’t need this approach. I took particular exception to her saying things like “you have to earn the right to draw the details”: I think that’s a staggeringly unhelpful thing to say to anyone, whatever stage of drawing they’re at.

In addition, I wasn’t particularly blown away by the journal pages shown; they often seemed to fall into a particular style and I felt there could have been a lot more variety. There also frequently seemed to be a disconnect between the illustrations and the text and it was sometimes hard to work out why a journal page had been selected to show a particular technique or idea.

However, many people might find her ‘voice of authority’ reassuring and comforting rather than invasive and irritating, as I did. If you want a book that tells you to ‘buy this colour’ and ‘don’t do that’, then this would be a good book to invest in because, despite my personal reservations, there is a huge amount of good information in here. In particular, if you’re new to art or art journalling and want to know about different materials and to be talked through the basics, then this book has a lot to recommend it. I just didn’t like the feeling of being talked down to but I’m well aware that this may be my personal hang-up. Certainly the book gets generally positive reviews on Amazon.com and elsewhere.

I borrowed this book from the library and while I’m glad that I’ve read it because I did learn some interesting new stuff, I was even more glad that I hadn’t bought it or added it to my Christmas list because personally I would have been disappointed. That said, I’m sure that many people would find it invaluable but I’d advise getting it from the library or checking it out in a bookshop before you buy to make sure it’s right for you.

Last week, I was lucky enough to be a recipient of a beautiful hand-bound book by Kaija as part of the Paying It Forward exchange. I’ve been putting off blogging about it because a) I haven’t been able to get a decent photo of the book and b) I wasn’t sure if any of Kaija’s other recipient’s read my blog and I didn’t want to spoil anyone else’s surprise.

However, since Kaija has just blogged about it, I guess it’s OK to go public about it now.

My book was beautifully wrapped…

And unsurprisingly, there was much squealing when I undid the ribbon to discover this…

Kaija took much better pictures than me, you can see the stitching and the image properly on her photograph.

Handbound book by Kaija, photograph by Kaija

Isn’t that stunning! The book opens completely flat, which is very helpful in an art journal and I love the image of the bare tree and the way the stitching goes into the cover. What you can’t see in the photos is that the pages inside are also brown paper - Kaija somehow miraculously knew without being told that I adore notebooks with brown pages. I may be visiting Australia in the spring for my brother’s wedding, so I have decided to save this very special book to use as a travel diary.

I can’t even begin to describe how fantastically well-made this book is and how wonderful it feels and looks in real life. It’s way beyond my own very limited book-binding skills and I’m quite in awe of her talents. I can only suggest that you all head over to her Etsy shop and indulge in one of her very reasonably priced treasures.

Now I just need to get my own exchange items out to my three Paying It Forward recipients; Kim, Liz and Tina. I have started work on my items but it’ll probably be at least another couple of weeks before I get them in the post; I’m never quick about these sort of things.

I think I just fell a little bit in love. Suzi Blu is a cute young art goddess who makes short videos about art journalling that she puts up on YouTube.

I just love her quirkiness and her passion. She’s done lots of videos - there’s a list here - and I’m having a happy evening working my way through them.

OK, I have a BIG confession to make. All through college, I kept immaculate, beautifully presented and very professional A4 sketchbooks. Looking up at the shelves above me, I see fifteen of them in an ordered line, their spines labelled with the dates. They’re almost identical - always portrait style and usually black, with a couple of patterned ones when I couldn’t find black ones.

Not for me the messy, spilling out at the seams, arty sketchbook barely held together with bits of string or rubber bands. Although I adore that style when I look at other people’s journals, at the time I just couldn’t bring myself to be that messy. Instead, my sketchbooks closed tidily on pages filled with perfectly aligned, neatly trimmed images and printed or carefully handwritten thoughts on my art. It’s slightly odd because I’m certainly not a naturally tidy person - maybe I was searching for a safe space within the chaos?

I spent a lot of time on those sketchbooks. I kept huge boxes of trimmed photos that I regularly culled from magazines and I would spend happy hours sorting through them looking for just the right combination of images that would show where my inspiration was coming from. I patiently selected the photos that showed my work to its best advantage, as well as the ‘during’ shots that documented the process and lined them up and taped them in. I added documentation from exhibitions I was involved in and analysed what I could have done better. I went through hundreds of rolls of my beloved double-sided sticky tape. I thought of my sketchbooks as works of art in their own right and they truly are. When I reread them, I can see that they are wonderful objects, as well as being useful documents that accurately chart my artistic process through the years. I’m justifiably proud of them and I love to look up at that neat line of them on my bookshelf.

But… but… but…

I got out of college and my sketchbooks sort of ground to a halt and then stopped almost completely. Every so often I’ll pick up the current one, write an ‘it’s been far too long since I’ve written anything in here’ entry, post in a couple of pictures, write down a few ideas and then guiltily ignore it for another six months. I think I’ve filled nearly two in the last five years - me, an artist who once went through a sketchbook every three months or so! It’s pitiful and it’s been weighing on me a lot recently.

I’m sure it’s no coincidence that my sketchbook use tailed off when I started blogging - a lot of my writing energy undoubtedly went into my online journalling instead. In addition, no longer being in college seemed to take a lot of the ‘people judging me’ energy out of it. There just wasn’t the same drive to do my sketchbooks that there had once been.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never stopped writing down my ideas - I have a little notebook by my bed where most of my art pieces start and another notebook in my handbag to catch the ideas that happen when I’m out of the house and I treasure both of those. I also write ideas on my computer if that’s where I happen to be, keep a card index box of ‘art ideas’ on my desk and for the last two years I’ve been doing a series of ink drawings in an ever increasing pile of A5 cartridge pads.

But those well documented, bright, shiny and oh-so-acceptable sketchbooks - er, not so much! I’m kind of embarrassed about it and I feel guilty and cross with myself. But when I think about sitting down and taping in photos, writing about what I’ve been doing, trimming photocopies and images to fit the pages and lining everything up perfectly - well, my heart just sinks. It feels overwhelming and impossible and it’s time to admit it; something that once brought me genuine joy and satisfaction, now just fills me with dread.

After watching Suzi’s videos, I thought ‘enough already, I’ve got to do something about this situation’. So I picked up the mostly unused moleskine sketchbook sitting next to my computer and let rip with some black goache, white ink pen and a couple of my beloved Inktense pencils. Wham, two pages of art journalling done in about half an hour and boy, do I feel better. No, it’s definitely not my perfect and pristine sketchbook but it’s obvious that the old way isn’t working any more, so I need to try something new.

Our ’shoulds’ can really inhibit our art; they stifle the flow of creativity within us. Yes, it would be nice if I could keep making those beautiful ordered sketchbooks and I probably ’should’ but it’s far more important that I keep my art going. On the first page of my new journal I wrote in coloured pencil “It’s time to get messy” and it is. Perhaps one day those pristine sketchbooks will be right for me again but for now, it’s time to let them go.