When I was about 15, I went to a school fancy dress party as Cleopatra. In a long halterneck dress that tied at the back of the neck.

And I wore it without a bra because I wasn’t very well-endowed at the time and besides, I didn’t own a backless bra.

And I did that thing that you should never do when you are wearing a halterneck dress without a bra and are slow-dancing with teenage boys. I tied it in a bow, instead of a ninja death knot with 15 safety pins.

Aaaaannnnddddd I think you can see where this story is going, yes?

I danced for several minutes before I realised that everyone was pointing and laughing hysterically. And I wondered why. And then I looked down.

People, I am here to tell you that you cannot, in fact, die of embarrassment. You can certainly WISH that you could die of embarrassment but you will not die just because everyone laughs at you.

……………………………………

Which is why you’ll find me immortalised on the sweet and funny ‘Fearless Karaoke’ video that Natalie Peluso made to launch her new site, Sing Your Truth. I’m the one making flirty eyes at the camera.

Yep, I jumped in and videoed myself singing. Even though I was just getting over a sore throat. Even though my honey forgot to tell me that the headphones he lent me were noise-cancelling ones, so I couldn’t hear my own voice and it turns out that’s Not A Good Thing when you’re singing (many thanks to Natalie for using some of my more tuneful bits in the video). Even though singing in public is nerve-racking.

But I did it anyway because let’s face it, once you’ve accidentally flashed your entire school as a teenager*, everything else kind of pales into insignificance, even singing badly on the internet.

Kudos to my fellow fearless karaoke-ers and huge big congratulations to Natalie – I know the site is going to be just fantastic. If you don’t already know Natalie’s previous writing on The Tiny Soprano, you should go over and check out her archives, there’s lots of great stuff about motivation, money and fearlessness.

……………………………………

*This isn’t even the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me, although it is pretty high up the list.**

**You know what makes this story even more embarrassing? It was only when I was typing this out that it occurred to me that my dress probably hadn’t fallen down by accident. Sigh. I am slow sometimes.

OK, lovelies, dare you share? Let’s have your thoughts on the scary power of embarrassment in the comments. Or you can compliment me on my fine singing voice – I am entirely open to flattery, even if you’re lying.

Kirsty Hall: Decaying Boats, Polbain Beach, June 2010

While I was on holiday, I made a point of heading over to Polbain Beach to take some photos. We used to beach-comb here as kids and it’s still a lovely spot. I ate my ice-lolly looking out over the Summer Isles while nearby a man sat on a deckchair outside his camper-van and played his fiddle. It was an absolutely iconic West Highland moment.

Kirsty Hall: Decaying Boats, Polbain Beach, June 2010

The wonderful decaying boats reminded me of this poem by Norman MacCaig.

So Many Summers

Beside one loch, a hind’s neat skeleton
Beside another, a boat pulled high and dry:
Two neat geometries drawn in the weather:
Two things already dead and still to die.

I passed them every summer, rod in hand,
Skirting the bright blue or the spitting gray,
And, every summer, saw how the bleached timbers
Gaped wider and the neat ribs fell away.

Time adds one malice to another one -
Now you’d look very close before you knew
If it’s the boat that ran, the hind went sailing.
So many summers, and I have lived them too.

Norman MacCaig

Kirsty Hall: Decaying Boats, Polbain Beach, June 2010

Talking about it afterwards, I was amazed to discover that my mum had taught in the same school as Norman MacCaig when she was starting out in her teaching career. A canny reminder that many successful creative people have day jobs their entire life.

Kirsty Hall: Decaying Boats, Polbain Beach, June 2010

I knew I had been longing for the West Highlands for years but it was only when I was sitting on this beach, that I felt how much my soul needs this very special place.

Do you need to fill up your creative well? Do you have somewhere special that eases your soul? Tell me about it in comments.

Photo of Achnahaird Bay by Graham Lewis, used under a Creative Commons license

Right everyone, talk amongst yourselves, I’m off on holiday for a week.

My son and I are heading off to the west coast of Scotland. Here’s where we’re going. It belongs to my cousin, Calum and it’s only a few miles from the beach where we used to holiday every year as kids. I’ve not been to Achnahaird for about 20 years and I shall probably bawl my eyes out when I see it again because it’s always been a bit of a lodestone in my life, somewhere I’ve mentally aligned myself towards.

We’re going to be there with my mum & dad, two family friends, my three brothers and their families. Including us, that’s 12 adults and two babies. Oh, and then my aunt & my cousin, his wife and their three kids are turning up on the last weekend. So for a couple of days, there will be 15 adults & 5 little kids – actually, possibly 16 adults if my cousin, Lindsey turns up. Did I ever mention that I have a large family?

It will be utter madness!

Fortunately I’m hiring a car, so I’ll be able to take off for some peace and quiet when it all gets too much – which it will, because I’m fairly introverted. Planning to take a trip to Inverewe Gardens and maybe this wonderful but very remote bookshop.

I’m very excited to finally meet my little niece, Siobhan. My brother Ewan lives in Australia and this is the first time they’ve been back to the UK since Siobhan was born last year. My mum & dad have met her because they went out to Oz last autumn but the rest of us haven’t. My delightful nephew, Elliot will also be there. I plan to spend the entire week snorgling babies.

Now, if I was an organised person, I would have written a blog post and scheduled it in advance but I am not, so there probably won’t be a blog post next week unless some sort of magic occurs. I’ve no idea if there’s even any phone reception there but if there is, I’ll be checking in on Twitter.

This is a short round-up post because I keep thinking of things that aren’t enough to do a whole post on. Plus it occurred to me that doing regular updates like this might prevent me being quite so perfectionist and therefore slow about my blogging.

Health Shit
It’s ME/CFS Awareness week and I was going to write something deep and meaningful about it but I’m still in the midst of the worst crash I’ve had in several years and I couldn’t be bothered. I’m getting blood tests done to check whether something else is going on because it’s been about a month and I’m not getting any better.

If I had written a post, it would have been about how small your world becomes when you have this illness. How unreliable you feel. How hard it is to plan. And how much grief and loss there is. But I have no spare energy for depressing writing about my depressing illness.

I have ME/CFS. It sucks. Next.

Other people wrote some smart stuff though:
Michael Nobbs
Newly Nerfed
RachelCreative and a moving post from her husband.

Why You Should Listen To Your Mother

So you know that thing your mother told you about not touching plugs or light switches with wet hands in case you electrocute yourself?

Totally true.

Since I’d managed to get to the age of 42 without this ever happening to me despite not being super cautious about it, I thought it was a bit of an exaggeration but no, it really can happen.

Fortunately it was only a very small electric shock, so I’m not dead. Which is good because dying whilst preparing baked potatoes would be a bloody stupid way to go.

Books

I’ve been on a roll with reading lately, mostly because it’s one of the few things – apart from crocheting granny squares – that I’m able to do at the moment.

If you like crime novels, I thoroughly recommend Ann Cleeves, particularly her stunning Shetland Quartet. I just finished the last book in the series and I’m still reeling from it. I’ve also been enjoying Ariana Franklin’s medieval murder mysteries.

If science fiction is more your thing, Kaaron Warren’s book Walking The Tree is strange but compelling. I also enjoyed both of Eugene Byrne books but particularly Things Unborn, a police procedural set in a Britain where some of the dead have been inexplicably resurrected.

I’ve also just started Stitching For Victory by Suzanne Griffith, a fascinating exploration of the diverse and vital role textiles played in World War Two Britain.

Exhibitions

Last week I had a fun day out with the Textile Forum South West group at the very excellent Stroud International Textile Festival. I particularly loved Kate Blee‘s piece, Stroud Red.

Kate Blee, Stroud Red

I also adored Bethany Mitchell’s work combing yarn with ink and pencil drawings.

The festival is on until the 23rd May. If you do manage to go, Mills Cafe does lovely soup and very nice cakes.

That Dieting Thing
I’m still doing Slimming World. I’ve only got three pesky pounds to go until I get my Two Stone award but the last two months have been hopeless because I’ve been shilly-shallying and uncommitted. Amazingly enough, the diet doesn’t work if you don’t stick to it! Who knew? But I’m pleased that I’ve maintained my existing weight loss and I’m slowly becoming motivated again, so hopefully this plateau will soon be over.

Chickens
The chickens are well. Thankfully they’ve settled their initial differences and now get along just fine, although Colette is a complete drama queen and kvetches loudly about the slightest little thing. More video soon.

Art
Still sewing sequins on an apron. Lalalalala…

Many artists approach the world from a place of fear.

‘Am I good enough? What if no one likes my work? Why can’t I sell? I’m rubbish, aren’t I! If I’ve not made it by the time I’m 30, I’m never going to. Picasso worked really hard every single day, what the hell’s wrong with me? If I don’t have lots of shows every year, they’ll all forget about me.’

And so on and so forth…

Photo by Alex E. Proimos, used under a Creative Commons license

I’ve been actively trying to get away from that angst-ridden headspace in recent months. But taking a step back from those ingrained fears feels like stepping off a mountain path in the dark. I don’t know if I’ll fall. Maybe there will be soft mossy grass under my feet or bouncy heather? Or maybe there’s a 50ft drop!

My own first lesson in letting go of these Art Fears is to ignore the temptation to desperately apply for exhibitions in 2010. While applying for exhibitions can certainly be useful and necessary, I’m tired of it. If applying for exhibitions works for you, that’s great. It used to work for me too. However, right now it makes me feel sad, pitiful, powerless and often quite angry. It makes me feel like a beggar outside the temple of art and I’m DONE feeling like that.

Naturally, if things come knocking on my door, I’ll certainly consider them. I do still want exhibitions and other cool opportunities. Nor am I sticking my head in the sand: I’m still visible and active both off and online and I wouldn’t rule out applying for something if it was perfect for me. But I’ve stopped pushing constantly. It’s a difference in attitude.

Somewhat to my surprise, this new approach seems to be working, I’ve been offered several great opportunities lately including the ECCA talk in London last month and I’m taking part in this exhibition later this month. Yet it’s still scary as hell to stop pushing. I want to believe that the Universe will catch me, that I’ll be OK without all that frantic busyness but believing that goes against a lifetime of conditioning.

What are your Art Fears? Can you trust yourself enough to walk away from them? Can you step off a mountain with me? We could hold hands and jump…

Photo by danorbit, used under a Creative Commons license

I’m very sad to report that while I was away in Scotland, the lovely Pepper was nabbed by a fox and she is no more.

It was upsetting but we always knew it was a possibility because our chickens room around the garden most afternoons. Even though we keep an eye on them when they’re out of their run, the urban foxes around here are quite bold & unfortunately they only need to get lucky once.

When I got back, Ginger was clearly very unsettled and lonely. It’s a bad idea to keep chickens singly because they are flock birds and need at least one other hen around. So on Saturday we headed over to our local supplier and scored a new chicken.

Meet Colette.

Kirsty Hall: Colette, February 2010

She’s a beautiful Cou Cou or Cuckoo Maran – the ‘cuckoo/cou cou’ part refers to the speckled silver and black colouring. Marans are originally a French breed, so naturally we had to go with an appropriately French name. She’s a ‘point of lay’, which means that she’s not laying yet but should start in a week or two once her comb grows in.

Kirsty Hall: Colette, February 2010

Because Ginger & Pepper had always been such good friends, I didn’t anticipate any problems introducing Colette. Boy, was that a rookie mistake! Ginger took huge exception to this interloper in her run & was absolutely rotten to poor Colette. She wouldn’t let Colette anywhere near the food & water and defended her territory with quite shocking levels of violence.

After a day of a traumatised Colette refusing to come out of the coop, I admitted defeat & asked on Freecycle for a spare run. Fortunately someone had a small rabbit run that they were planning to take to the dump, so I collected that on Monday evening and ever since Ginger has been spending her days in solitary confinement with a dish of food and water. She is less than happy!

Fortunately this is just a temporary measure – I’ve ordered another set of feeders from ebay & when those arrive, I shall divide the run with bamboo canes during the day. They’ll be near each other but they’ll both be safe and Ginger will have more room. I’m going to carry on separating them during the day until they can get along, which apparently can sometimes take months. I am making progress though, they managed to room around the garden together today without fighting and they’re sleeping together quite happily: the problems just seem to be over food.

Thankfully Colette has been slowly regaining her confidence over the last few days. She’s still jittery though – I let her out of the run today so I could clean out the coop and then she wouldn’t let me anywhere near her and wouldn’t be persuaded back in again. I couldn’t even tempt her back in with food. Fortunately she went back in on her own accord eventually & I was able to shut her in. Ginger is easy to get into the run – she’ll go anywhere for a handful of grain, the wee strumpet!

This is a very quick update because I’m meant to be packing. My son and I are heading up to Scotland this evening to visit my folks.

Firstly, the talk went well on Thursday. I was quite pleased with the Powerpoint that I put together – only having a week to master the software made for a bit of a steep learning curve and a lot of late nights but I managed to put a simple presentation together. The talk itself was very well attended & the organiser said there was a good response to it. I think that I did OK, although my mouth was so dry from nerves that I got through two bottles of water in quick succession! But apparently I didn’t look or sound too nervous, which was good. I had practised at home a lot, which definitely helped. I also watched this long but fantastic video by Garr Reynolds on how to structure Powerpoint & do presentations, which helped immensely. If you’ve got a talk coming up, I thoroughly recommend watching it – it’ll be time well spent.

There was so much that I wanted to put in but had to leave out – 20-30 minutes isn’t nearly long enough to give a good overview of blogging – so I may do some basic intro posts about the subject in the next week or two.

Secondly, I’m taking my laptop up to Scotland with the aim of writing 5 blog posts. I want to take my blogging up to the next level this year and my first priority is increasing the frequency of my blogging. I’ve been blogging ‘hand to mouth’ for far too long. I need to get a good backlog of posts written so that my blogging is not dependant on my dodgy health. So, if you’ve got any burning issues that you’d like to see me address, please let me know and I’ll try to write about it. On a related note, if there’s anything that drives you nuts about my site, please do let me know and I’ll see if it can be fixed.

Lastly, congratulations to Gwen from Murphy Grace Home who won the Gary Vaynerchuk Crush It! giveaway. Thanks to everyone who commented. I wish you could all have won.

Right, I must go and pack, I’m just procrastinating now!

Edited to add:
Oops, I forgot this bit of news. I’ve changed a whole bunch of my photos over to the Creative Commons license. I’m retaining full copyright on my art photos but the more documentary ones are now available to use. The only restriction is that you can’t take them and sell them. I would appreciate a Flickr comment if you do use them but it’s not obligatory.

Awesome sauce – I got a paid speaking gig. Apparently the University Of The Arts in London think I’m some kind of blogging expert. I tried to tell the nice lady on the phone that I wasn’t really but she said lots of lovely things about my articles page and how they were looking for an artist who blogs and I guess I qualify on the later.

Did I mention that the speaking gig is next week and I have to learn Powerpoint between now and next Thursday? And right after I said I was going to be taking things easy too – ha, the Universe does like its little jokes. But I’m certainly not complaining; it’ll be cool and this could be the start of an actual income stream for me. Fortunately I’m feeling significantly better I was than last week. I’ve been doing lots of pacing and listening to my body, so I should be fine.

The event is all booked up but they’re going to be taping it and putting it out as a podcast, I’ll let you know when that comes out.

Kirsty Hall: Waiting For Seeds, April 2009

Other cool things have been happening – without very much effort on my part, I might add. It’s slightly odd that I decided to stop pushing and just let things come to me and they promptly started doing exactly that.

I’ve started guest blogging over at the wonderful Make & Meaning blog. I was hugely flattered to be asked to be part of a venture that includes such incredible bloggers as Dudecraft; Craftypod; Kim Werker; Craftivism; Meet Me At Mike’s and Futuregirl. To begin with we’re going to be reposting some relevant posts from this blog but I’m planning to write some original content for them soon. Just as soon as I’ve got this speaking engagement out of the way!

I’ve also joined the brand new Third Tribe initiative, which I’m enjoying a lot. It’s the first time I’ve joined a subscription site like this but so far it’s definitely value for money as the calibre of bloggers involved is just awe-inspiring, plus you get monthly seminars and other exclusive content. It’s half price at the moment but the price goes up at 6 pm Central US Time today (that’s Friday 5th Feb) from $27 to $47 USD a month. If you join today, your subscription price will remain at the lower rate for as long as you’re a member, which is great because otherwise I couldn’t afford to do it.

Finally, for no particular reason that I could see, the lovely people at Vaynermedia sent me a second copy of Gary Vaynerchuk’s fantastic book, Crush It. I hope they meant to because I’m about to give it away! You can read my review of Crush It here.

If you’d like a chance to win this great little book, leave a comment on this post telling me what your passion is. I’ll draw a winner on Wednesday 10th February.

Kirsty Hall: Broken Bauble, January 2010

Last October I took Alyson Stanfield’s excellent Blast Off course. This course was a life-changing experience for me – amongst other things, I realised that I need to find more sustainable ways to manage my health & my art before I can develop my career further.

Basically, I’ve been trying to build my house on sand. I’ve been constantly draining myself by doing more than my health allows. Because I’m pig awkward that way.

Last November’s arts trail was a good case in point. I’ve only just been back to take down 3 Score & 10 because I got sick immediately after the trail, then my host fell ill, then there was Christmas & snow. I finally managed to take the work down last Monday but completely exhausted myself in the process and I’ve been in a proper CFS crash ever since. I’m not quite on bed rest but it’s pretty close.

This is clearly absolutely unsustainable; I cannot continue to do shows if it knocks me out for months afterwards.

Now obviously I don’t want to give up doing shows: I love exhibiting my work – it’s one of my favourite parts of being an artist. Since I want to continue to make art and exhibit it, it’s clear to me that I need to do everything in my power to recover from my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

That’s a tough call because no one knows what causes it or how to fix it but even if I can’t find a permanent cure, I want to get to a healthier place. So I’ve been working on my pacing and my chronic insomnia. I also took a scary step and in November I joined Slimming World. I’ve lost 18.5 pounds so far and my goal is lose a further 3 stone by Christmas 2010, something I’m well on track to do. Losing weight is unlikely to be a miracle cure – I was unwell before I put on weight – but I know that being overweight can’t be helping. Slimming World is awesome, btw – I won’t bang on about it here but email if you’d like to know more about my experiences with it.

Even though I currently feel like Wile E. Coyote after he’s been squashed flat by an anvil, I’m taking the long view here. This is definitely NOT me giving up, it’s me refocusing and working on the basics. I do still have an art career, I’m just taking the scenic route: there will lots of tea breaks, picnics on the side of the road and photographs of sheep but I’ll get there eventually!

Kirsty Hall: Winter Fog, Jan 2010

As you may have heard, Britain is in the grip of some cold weather and things have ground to a halt because alas, alack, white stuff has fallen from the sky – hey, who knew that could happen in the winter?

Kirsty Hall: Snowy Branch, Jan 2010

The snow has come as quite a relief to me. I’m still recovering from The Virus Of Doom. I’m having a couple of weeks where I deliberately don’t make art but I’ve still not been resting enough, so a couple of enforced snow days are just what I needed.

Of course, my idea of what constitutes resting is somewhat suspect. I didn’t get as much contemplative time as I planned in the last week of 2009, so I’ve spent the couple of days mindmapping, writing lists and drawing colourful diagrams of the coming year.

Oh, and I’ve moved my bedroom around to make room for a dedicated ‘thinking space’ where I can update my sketchbook and work on my visual journal. I’ve been horribly neglecting the former and I’ve been doing the later in bed but it’s bad for my back and there’s always the worry that I’ll get gesso and paint on the sheets.

Although experts say that the bedroom should just be for sleeping, I find that it’s my best thinking space and I also do quite a lot of drawing in there. One of my aims for this year is to ‘meet myself where I am’. In other words, to deal with my actual truth rather than what I think should be true. So instead of denying that I use my bedroom this way and feeling guilty that I don’t go upstairs to my studio instead, I’ve decided to honour what actually is and next week I’m going shopping for a desk, preferably an old rolltop one so that everything can be hidden away when not in use.

Having some introspective time is even easier when the streets are so quiet. There are very few cars about, instead there are giggly people making snow beings, including this rather fabulous creation – in my 42 years on this planet, this is the first time I’ve seen a snow duck!

Kirsty Hall: Snow Duck, Jan 2010

However, not everyone is enjoying the snow – the chickens are distinctly unimpressed…